Clearing out the Clutter

Saturday Clutter

Hi everyone,

Holy windy Saturday!  The Clutter Tree is swaying every which way, and BDH is worried it's going to blow away.  We're trying to explain to him that it will be okay, but he seems anxious, poor guy.  Well, make yourself comfortable, grab a medium DD, and let's see if we can power through some Clutter while still keeping an eye on the tree.

Let's see, Mittens held a small event in Detroit's enormous Ford Field yesterday, where he pointed out how many Cadillacs his wife Ann owns.  Other than that, it was a good day for the campaign.

Let the fun begin! (pic via dailykos.com)

We probably shouldn't be so hard on Mitt Romney, those stadiums are hard to fill, and it's not like any other presidential candidate has had a better turnout in a smilar setting recently.  Oh, wait:

(pic via townhall.com)

I'm at a loss for words to describe this bizarre video of Virginia Delegate David Albo (R) spending three minutes explaining to his colleagues in detail how his bill to force ultrasounds for women seeking abortions, cost him some..."action" with his wife:

 

Did Foxwoods Casinos buy Boston.com?  Their ads on the sides of the site's homepage completely overwhelm the news articles.

To the disappointment of every GOP presidential candidate, the S & P 500 reached its highest level since 2008 yesterday.

Index funds are a good default investing tool for most people, but Warren Buffett remains a notable exception to that rule, as his company Berkshire Hathaway beat the S & P 500 for the 39th time in 47 years.

They can't use the stock market to make their case, so the Republican presidential candidates are forced to continue lying about President Obama supporting infanticide.  Not to sound like too much of an old fogey, but I can still remember "back in the day" when such ludicrous accusations would have been confined to late night talk show callers who would then pivot to charges that the government was putting some sort of mind control drug in our water supply.  The ongoing implosion of the Republican Party remains one of the most fascinating political developments I've ever seen.

If the Obama administration is looking for a new Ambassador to the Bahamas who actually wants the job, BDH, Little Buddha, and I are willing to consider it.

NL MVP Ryan Braun was defiant in his first public comments after having his suspension for failing a drug test overturned.  He does baseball no favors by referring to the drug testing program as "fatally flawed."  Major League Baseball should always be striving to have the strongest and fairest policy in place, and if there are errors, they should leap at the chance to improve them.  However, there's still no explanation for why Braun's specimen showed such high levels of testosterone, and no proof of tampering was provided by anyone.  Hopefully Braun is clean, but he should expect to spend the year under a microscope.

Boston Red Sox players react to the Braun decision.

I'm fascinated by the fact that Dan Shaughnessy was paid to write a column today about how David Ortiz yelled at him for something he didn't do.  Does Shaughnessy have incriminating photos of his editors at the Boston Globe?  I wonder if he was at all embarrassed about turning in such a lazy/uninformative piece of writing, or if he really just stopped caring after the Red Sox destroyed his beloved, "Curse of the Bambino."  Just throw in the towel if you have nothing left, Dan.

Say good night, Dan. (pic via bostonsportsmedia.com)

In other news, Major League Baseball may be forcing Frank McCourt to sell the Los Angeles Dodgers, to the relief of the team's fans, but no one said anything about the parking lots.

ESPN's Gordon Edes reports on Manny Ramirez's comments upon joining the Oakland A's, and also slips in a criticism of Peter Gammons for printing Terry Francona's emotional comments about Ramirez a few years ago.

We have the first look at new Star Trek villan Benedict Cumberbatch in action!

A belated happy birthday to Abe Vigoda!  The actor, who has been rumored to be dead for 30 years, turned 91 yesterday.

Still alive.  (pic via aveleyman.com)

I don't know actor Patrick Wilson, or his show, A Gifted Man, but he seems like my kind of guy.

Okay kids, that's going to do it for now.  Abe Vigoda still lives, but he definitely didn't come out on the good end of this scene from The Godfather after trying to set up Al Pacino to be killed.  Well, you can't win them all.  Here's today's, "Clip of the Day."

 

Thanks for stopping by, everyone.  It was great to see you as always.  Have a good day, try not to get swept away by the wind, and we'll all meet back here again for more fun soon.  Until next time, today's Clutter has been cleared.

Friday Clutter

Hi everyone,

Okay, let's have a show of hands, who thought yesterday was February 22nd?  Just me?  That's cool.  Apparently I needed more coffee to be able to read the calendar correctly.  However, there's no confusion over the fact that today is Friday, so grab yourself a medium DD, and let's wrap up the week with a little Clutter.

Congratulations to Maryland for being on track to be the eighth state to approve marriage equality.  The bill has passed the legislature, and Governor Martin O'Malley has said he will sign it.  Of course, the soon-to-be-law will be challenged by the same people who still have yet to prove how same-sex marriage has harmed a single heterosexual marriage.

Jon Huntsman is clearly not thrilled the GOP these days.  First he got crushed in the primaries, then he had to endorse his nemesis Mitt Romney (a fact that neither of them seemed at all excited about), and now he's calling for a third party candidate.  I wonder if he has anyone particular in mind.

Probably not this year's Republican VP nominee.  (pic via mediate.com)

What's Rick Santorum's biggest weakeness in the eyes of the GOP base?  Certainly not his regressive views on women, or the imposition of his extreme religious beliefs into the presidential primary.  Heck, those help him.  No, his biggest problem is his past endorsement of former Senator Arlen Specter.  Said one Republican operative when describing the situation, "We’ll forgive incompetence, but not Arlen," which is interesting, because I'd have a much easier time forgiving an endorsement than incompetence when it comes to the leader of the country.

Worse than incompetence? (pic via pennlive.com)

Representative John Sullivan (R-Oklahoma) apologized for saying he'd have to kill some Senators to get a budget passed.  It was still one of those weak, "I apologize to anyone who was offended" statements, but I'm actually impressed that he didn't try to pass it off as a joke and tell his critics to lighten up, which so typically seems to be the Republican defense for comments like this.  It's sad that's where the bar is set these days.

House Democrats held their own hearing on contraception yesterday, and in a stunning development, a woman was allowed to testify.

Boston Red Sox manager Bobby Valentine doesn't seem to have much use for team captains, thankfully.

We made fun of Boston Red Sox reliever Bobby Jenks earlier in the week for being a complete waste of money last year, and we might thrown in a snarky comment about not being that disappointed that he won't be pitching again any time soon (I know, Clutter snarky?  Get outta here.)  However, after reading that Jenks had to battle potentially life-threatening complications from back surgery in the off-season, we're going to lay off the big guy for the time being and wish him a drama-free recovery from this point forward. 

NL MVP Ryan Braun became the first big league player to have a positive drug test overturned.  The primary defense was that there was a chain of custody issue for 48 hours, but that still doesn't explain exactly how that led to Braun's specimen showing extremely elevated testosterone levels.  Not a good day for Major League Baseball.

Is new Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim slugger Albert Pujols already mad at his new team?

New York Jets coach Rex Ryan isn't dumb enough to predict another Super Bowl win after his team went 8-8 this year.

Dear Mittens, you know things aren't going well when you get shot down by Seinfeld's George Costanza.  Speaking of which, New York magazine has several Seinfeld quotes that apply to Romney.

Not endorsing Romney. (pic via blackheartgoldpants.com)

Comedian Bill Maher is jumping into the Super PAC game, giving a pro-Obama PAC one million dollars.

Somewhere around a month ago, I found myself wondering whatever happened to Paris Hilton.  I can't remember why now...I think it had something to do with her former friends the Kardashians.  Anyway, I haven't heard her mentioned in years at this point, but after hearing her latest "Drunk Text,"  I'd be fine with going few more years before she comes up again.

Is Abby Elliot leaving SNL?  Clearly she doesn't have much of a future on the show if they're willing to let her out of her contract to star in a comedy on Fox.  I wonder if it has anything to do with her split with SNL castmate Fred Armisen.  Anyway, good luck to her on that, she's a funny woman who should get more face time on TV.

Abby Elliott (pic via zimbio.com)

Okay kids, that's going to do it for now.  I can't get the new Paris Hilton clip out of my head.  Is this an actual song, because it sounds more like rambling to me.  It's really hard to argue that there's any "singing" taking place here.   I suddenly find myself twitching a little bit.  Check out today's, "Song/Clip/Train wreck of the Day" for yourself and let me know what you think:

Drunk Text Music Video from Craig Raby on Vimeo.

Okay kids, that's going to do it for now.  Thanks for stopping by, it was great to see you as always.  Have a good day, and if you're the person who rang the doorbell to Clutter Headquarters at 1:00 this morning, try stopping by a little earlier next time.  BDH, Little Buddha and I are always happy to hang out, but we need our beauty rest.  Be good, and we'll see you back here again for more fun soon.  For now, that's the Clutter, and we are outta here.

Thursday Clutter

Hi everyone,

Welcome back, how are you?  We're (less than) a week away from Leap Day (someone can't do math), and Little Buddha's been trying to explain that concept to BDH all morning, but I don't think it's sinking in yet.  Why don't we leave the two of them alone for now, grab a medium DD, and clear out some Clutter in the meantime.  Sound good?  Here we go...

The GOP wrapped up their first season of Crazy Debates last night in Arizona.  No more debates are currently scheduled, but maybe they'll convince everyone to come back for a post-season wrap-up special hosted by Dr. Drew.

No one had a performance to be proud of last night, but Rick Santorum particularly demonstrated that he's not prepared for being the front-runner on any level.  It remains a brutal indictment of Mitt Romney that Mittens couldn't put this guy away five months ago.

Santorum isn't holding back any of the crazy now, saying that teens were less sexually active before contraception was readily available.  Meanwhile, Romney surrogate New Jersey Governor Chris Christie wants to make sure everyone knows Santorum thinks Satan is coming after us.  You really couldn't make these stories up.

The Romney camp sent out an edited edition of an endorsement from the Detroit News, and the newspaper isn't happy about it at all.  Turning an endorsement into a negative news story is an impressive trick.

Glad to hear that George Huguely was convicted of killing his ex girlfriend.  He was described as an abusive thug, and may he serve every one of his 26 year sentence. 

Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell (R) abandoned his support for the legislation recently approved by the Virginia House that would mandate a trans-vaginal ultrasound for women seeking an abortion, instead saying that it should be an abdominal one.  (The same McDonnell whose master's theisis called working women "detrimental" to the family.)  McDonnell clearly realized that the original bill would kill any chance he has of seeking higher office, and it's a step in the right direction, but the state shouldn't be mandating any procedure.  This should be a situation between a woman and her doctor, and the state should recognize them both as competent adults.  No matter how loudly Republicans scream about "small government," they can't resist a chance to interfere in reproductive health issues.  It's a fetish, really.

McDonnell (pic via politico.com)

If you want to invest in the stock market, you're better off just buying an index fund than an actively-manged fund.  The index funds consistently beat the majority of their active competitors, so why should you pay for someone's salary and marketing expenses for worse results?

A new paper suggests that eating gluten-free products may be a waste of money for people without celiac disease.  The paper's authors say that the main problem is there's no set definition for "gluten sensitivity," so perhaps more research is needed.

Big Papi has arrived in spring training. So has the Laser Show, and they both sound ready to get down to business.  It's amazing that David Ortiz is about to become the longest-tenured member of the Boston Red Sox, assuming that Jason Varitek is about to retire.  Where does the time go?  By the way, can we lose the whole "captain" notion this year?  It's an idea whose time has come and gone, and with Varitek's expected pending retirement, let the concept go into the sunset with him.

Terry Francona and Manny Ramirez clearly don't exchange Christmas cards.

The Boston Celtics must be thrilled to have the All Star break now after losing 119-104 to the Oklahoma City Thunder last night.  It was the 8th loss in 9 games for Boston, though Doc Rivers called it a, "team-building game."  The Celtics are now off for the next six days, so they can rest up and figure out what they need to do to be relevant in the second half of the season.

I'm thrilled (and a little relieved) to hear that Eddie Van Halen is getting good reviews so far as Van Halen launches their tour.  There have already been countless clips from the first few shows, thanks to the band allowing video cameras into the shows this time, and he sounds locked in.  Can't wait to see for myself!

Uh oh, what's actor Sacha Baron Cohen threatening to do at the Oscars that has the Academy in such a tizzy?

Sacha Baron Cohen (pic via celebrity-gossip.net)

So sorry to hear that Seinfeld actor Daniel Von Bargen attempted to kill himself by shooting himself in the head.  I hope that he comes through in one piece and can get some help after that.

Jennifer Aniston doesn't sound excited about a Friends reunion, but there's no way they won't do it at some point down the road.

Friends can't stay apart forever.  (pic via epguides.com)

Okay kids, that's going to do it for now.  President Obama was in the news a few weeks ago for singing an Al Green tune, and now he's back for more, singing Sweet Home Chicago with B.B. King and company at a recent White House concert.  I'd say that's pretty cool, though I imagine the GOP would find a way to claim it's proof that he's a Muslim terrorist.  Either way, it's today's, "Song of the Day," so check it out:

 

Thanks for stopping by, it was great to see you as always.  Have a good day, and feel free to come back later today if you want to go to happy hour or to just hang out.  We'll still be here trying to explain the concept of Leap Day.  Otherwise, we'll see you again tomorrow for more fun and coffee.  Until next time, that's the Clutter, and we are outta here.

Wednesday Clutter

Hi everyone,

Welcome back to the house of randomness.  What is with the weather?  It was supposed to snow last night, but today's forecast calls for a high in the mid-50's.  I have several meetings today, and my brain tells me that it's late February, so of course I need my winter jacket, but I don't if it's really going to be that warm.  What to do?  I'm having a brain cramp here.  Okay, first things first.  Grab a medium DD, then let's clear out some Clutter, and then I'll figure out what coat I need.  Here we go...

It can't be a good sign that the U.S. Supreme Court has agreed to hear another case regarding affirmative action policies in higher education.  The scope of the ruling could be narrowly tailored to the case involving a woman who was unable to get into the University of Texas, but no matter what, it's hard to imagine it won't be a restrictive outcome.

Casting a cloud over the entire election process, it appears that 25% of all super PAC money this year is coming from five donors.  The Supreme Court may think that money equals speech, but these guys have their surround sound stereo blasting at 11 while the rest of us are barely above a whisper.

Mitt Romney continues to follow Rick Santorum's lead by claiming President Obama has led some sort of "war on religion."  I wonder if there's any part of Mittens that feels the slightest bit of shame at the depths to which he will sink to try to win this campaign.  His rhetoric is so consistently not-based in reality, that it seems like he will truly say anything at all for a vote.

The struggle for control of Romney's inner voice continues.  On the one hand, you have the "severe conservative."  On the other, you have the man saying that cutting growth slows down the economy.  That's not going to play well with the base, though not much is these days.

The search for the "real Romney" continues. (pic via invisiblechildren.com)

The S.S. Romney continues to take on water, as a new poll shows him losing his once-considerable lead over Rick Santorum in Arizona.

GOP Senate candidate/former Representative Pete Hoekstra is running as fast as he can from his own racist campaign Super Bowl ad.

Republican Indiana State Rep. Bob Morris thinks the Girl Scouts sell gay abortion cookies.

Wait, what's this?  Conservative voters use the safety net too?  Shocking.  One of the greatest cons in American politics is getting middle and lower-income voters to repeatedly vote against their own economic interests.  Needing help isn't a moral failure, it's a simple fact of life.  We should be looking out for each other, not looking down on each other.

Comcast is launching its own version of Netflix.  I hope it's a better service than "On Demand," which lists about 5000 programs, of which, three are interesting.

Johnson & Johnson CEO Bill Weldon finally lost his job after the company was forced to recall seemingly-all of its products at one point or another over the last few years.

There's a new edition of Sam Adams coming out to celebrate the Boston Marathon, and the best part is,  you don't have to run the marathon to drink it!

The saga is over:  The Boston Red Sox are getting a Chicago Cubs pitcher named (not "that") Chris Carpenter as compensation for Theo Epstein.  Carpenter is projected as a hard-throwing middle reliever-type and doesn't seem that bad.  The Red Sox never should have let Theo go before they knew who they were getting in return, but since they did that, Carpenter seems about a good a prospect as they could have hoped for.  Let's move on.

Chris Carpenter (pic via bleacherreport.com)

There's nothing I love hearing from a player more than boston Red Sox third baseman/Tom Brady's future brother-in-law Kevin Youkilis's comment, "I’m going to make it as hard on them as possible not to bring me back.’’  Good luck, you sweaty bull.  Force ownership's hand and make them offer you a new contract at the end of this season.

Let the fun begin! (pic via espn.com)

Speaking of which, condolences to Tom Brady on the passing of his longtime quarterback mentor Tom Martinez, who died yesterday of a heart attack while undergoing dialysis.

Denver Broncos backup quarterback Brady Quinn probably hasn't won any supporters with his whining about Tim Tebow.  This might be why you're a backup, Brady.  Broncos VP John Elway is clearly looking for a way out of "Tebow Time."  Make your case that you deserve the job in such a dominant fashion that Elway can say there was no way for him to ignore you.  Otherwise, shut the hell up.

Community returns on March 15th!  Get with the program and watch this show, my friends.   If there's room on TV for The Bachelor, there's room for this well-written program.

Who would dare go after the estate of The Godfather author Mario Puzo and why?  Doesn't sound like a wise move, unless they're prepared to sleep with the fishes.

Okay kids, that's going to do it for now.  Let's have Willie Nelson take us out with his amazing cover of Coldplay's, "The Scientist."  If today's "Song of the Day" doesn't move you, then...well, that's just sad.  Enjoy the master at work:

 

Thanks for stopping by, everyone.  It was great to see you as always.  I'll be running around town today, so if you see me and identify yourself as a Clutterhead, I'll buy your coffee.  Until then, I still need to pick out my coat, and today's Clutter has now been cleared.

Tuesday Clutter

Hi everyone,

Welcome back.  How was your weekend?  The coffee is just about ready, so grab yourself a medium DD, and let's clear out a little Clutter.

Without the Adelson family, Newt Gingrich would have returned to his "historian" roots months ago.

A new poll shows Mitt Romney with a two point lead over Rick Santorum in Michigan as Mittens scrambles to avoid a potentially disasterous loss in his home state.

I sometimes wonder how headline writers keep a straight face while they work.  This article asks, "As Rick Santorum campaigns on faith, family issues, could he alienate moderates?"  Do you know what you call a moderate who isn't offended by Santorum?  A radical conservative.

CNN commentator Dana Loesch says, what's the problem with Virginia's proposal to force women seeking abortion to submit to a state-mandated assault with a trans-vaginal ultrasound?  I mean, it's not like they're virgins.

Dana Loesch (pic via addictinginfo.org)

Here's another example of our inability to deal with veterans who are struggling with mental health issues, as a depressed veteran may be prosecuted for his suicide attempt.

As of today, which member of the Boston Red Sox was the biggest winner from last September's collapse?  My vote is for Dice-K.  I was reading this article about his return from Tommy John surgery and realized that I don't have nearly my usual level of frustration about him right now.  There are a number of active players ahead of him on my s&^t list right now, and he doesn't even top the list of disabled players, since I still wish bad things for John Lackey.  Come the 2nd half of the season, I might even look forward to Dice-K's return, until his first start is 120 pitches, 7 hits, 8 runs and 5 walks in 4 2/3 innings, but for right now, he's okay.

Welcome back? (pic via pressherald.com)

Oh Theo, why did you stick us with reliever Bobby Jenks?  Apparently he's not likely to return until mid-season.  Jenks did nothing last year, with a 6.32 ERA in 19 games, and he consistently looked more freaked out than any reliever I've ever seen.  Maybe it's for the best that he'll be out for a while longer, it's just a shame the Red Sox are responsible for his salary.   Somewhere off in the distance, his former manager Ozzie Guillen can be heard laughing hysterically.

I'm looking forward to watching Carl Crawford play like he's got something to prove this year, once he recovers from wrist surgery.  He's far too talented to have another disastrous season like he did in 2011, and a return to form would be the equivalent of the Red Sox making a major trade for a left fielder this off-season.

Oakland A's fans don't have a lot to be excited about this year, but at least they can watch "Manny being Manny," as soon as Ramirez serves out his 50 game suspension.  Let's see,  I think we'll set the over/under on Manny's home runs this year at...23.5.  What's your bet?

Meanwhile, the Albert Pujols era has begun in Anaheim.  Let's set his over/under for home runs this year at...79.5...or maybe 40.5.  Yeah, let's go with that instead.

Is this the final year for New York Yankees closer Mariano Rivera?

Is Peyton Manning moving to Monday Night Football?  I hope not.  I know I said he should call it a career if his neck isn't fully recovered from all of his surgeries, but the guy always sounds like he's got a head cold.  He may be a perfectly good analyst for all I know, but there's no way I'm listening to that voice for three straight hours.

WWE wrestler/Boston College alum Kofi Kingston gives his thoughts on the infamous dive bar Mary Ann's.

I disliked last week's episode of How I Met Your Mother, because I thought there were major plot problems with Robin and Kevin's break-up, and the notion of pairing Ted and Robin up seemed like a complete waste of time because we know Robin's not "the mother."  Without giving anything away, in case you haven't seen it, HIMYM bounced back this week with another strong performance.  The Ted/Robin issue was addressed, and it was a strong performance by every member of the cast.  It really feels like we're watching a group of best friends tell their life story, and 99% of the time, the stories ring true.  Well done.

Stephen Colbert returned to The Colbert Report last night after delivering a warm confidential message.

The Colbert Report
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After yet another disappointing opening weekend, maybe Nicolas Cage should take a break from acting for a bit and find a hobby.  After making something like 100 bad movies in the last 10 years, it might do him some good to pause for a bit and recharge his batteries.  Maybe he could draw comic books or something, I know he likes those.  Just get him and his hair off the screen and let the public forget about him for a while.

Everyone needs a rest now and again. (pic via allmoviephoto.com)

Okay kids, that's going to do it for now.  I really was finished with the Whitney Houston clips, I swear, but then Soundgarden singer Chris Cornell decided to pay tribute to her at a fundraiser for President Obama, and there was just no way I was going to pass that up, so check out today's, "Song of the Day," which I'm (pretty) sure will be our final Whitney song (for now.)

 

Thanks for stopping by, everyone.  It was great to see you as always.  Have a good day, and come back again soon, so we can do this all over again.  Until next time, that's the Clutter, and we are outta here.

Monday Clutter

Hi everyone,

Happy Presidents' Day to you all.  What's the plan for the day?  Little Buddha is going to keep an eye on BDH while I run a few errands, but before we get to that, grab yourself a medium (or maybe even a large) DD, and let's clear out a little long weekend Clutter.

A new national Gallup poll gives Rick Santorum an eight-point lead over Mitt Romney.  Santorum is clearly feeling increasingly confident as he's now using increasingly vitriolic rhetoric to attack President Obama these days.  If I can translate, he is currently telling voters that Obama is an intellectual Muslim, with similarities to Hitler, who has issued a jihad against other religions and is out to kill disabled babies.  He's starting to remind me of former Vice President Dick Cheney's argument against John Kerry, which was basically, "If you vote for that guy, we're all going to die." 

For those of you playing the home game, Ron Paul is still running for President.

The GOP is still trying to make up a message about the economy that they think voters will fall for.

It sounds like Arizona Republican voters aren't likely to punish congressional candidate Paul Babeu for allegedly threatening his ex-boyfriend.  They'll do it because he's gay.

Here's an interesting New York Times piece on Obama adviser David Plouffe.

I frequently like to have a Cliff Bar right after going to the gym.  I know, they've got sugar, but it seems like a better choice than giving in and having a candy bar.  What's that you say, the bars may be high in arsenic?

Nothing helps you recover like a little arsenic. (pic via amazon.com)

Josh Beckett spoke about how last season ended yesterday, and the interpretation of his comments seem to reflect how split Red Sox fans are about him right now.  Some saw his statements as an apology and an attempt to take more responsibility for his behavior last September.  Some saw them as him saying as little as he could get away with.  Beckett's best shot at getting everyone on the same page is to have a strong 2012 from start to finish.

Meanwhile, Jon Lester seems to be ready to step up and take a leadership role on the team.  More power to him.

Can we assume that Jason Varitek's absence from spring traing yesterday is the start of the countdown to his retirement press conference?

For those of you wanting to know about Jenny Dell, aka "the new Heidi Watney," Ms. Dell has written a little intro piece for herself.  No word yet on whether the NESN producers will make her eat the worst ballpark food in the American League this year.

Jenny Dell (pic via digboston.com)

As expected, ESPN fired the guy who wrote the racist Jeremy Lin headline, but my question is, how many other people saw it before it was posted to the website?  Shouldn't there also be some type of punishment for them?

Glad to hear that The Colbert Report will return to the air tonight after a sudden shutdown last week due to Stephen Colbert's ailing mother.

I had the chance to finish watching this week's Saturday Night Live on the DVR yesterday (I'm too old to stay up for the whole episode), and it's confirmed: Former SNL alum Maya Rudolph did a great job as host.  Her excitement was palpable, and the show was consistently funny for the full 90 minutes.  Special kudos to her "secret co-host" Amy Poehler, who appeared in several sketches, including Weekend Update.  I like Parks and Recreation, but this week's SNL reminded me how truly funny a less-restrained Poehler is.  Be it Bronx Beat with Jodi and Betty, or Update, she was allowed to cut loose more than she ever does on Thursday nights.  The show also reminded me for the 200th week in a row that I don't think Kristen Wiig is particularly funny, and I still want to see more of Abby Elliot.  Oh, and is Justin Timberlake officially a cast member at this point?

I didn't think The Simpsons was particularly funny last night, but after 500 episodes, maybe that's not the point anymore.

Okay kids, that's going to do it for now.  Let's have Amy Poehler take us out with her two main appearances on SNL this week.  I'm in no rush for Parks and Recreation to end, but I hope Poheler's next job after that will let her cut loose more often like she did on Saturday.  Check out today's, "Clips of the Day."

 

  

Thanks for stopping by, everyone.  I hope you all enjoy your day off, and remember, you're always welcome to stop by Clutter Headquarters.  I'm sure Little Buddha will be happy to tell you a story if you ask nicely.   He tells great stories.  Until next time, today's Clutter has been cleared.

Sunday Clutter

 Hi everyone,

Happy Sunday to you all.  What's the plan for the day? BDH, Little Buddha and I are off to the gym, and then we have a few errands to do after that.  Hey, don't be fooled, those two may be small, but they can move the plates.  It's pretty amazing.  However, we have business to take care of before that, so grab yourself a medium DD, and let's clear out a little Sunday Clutter.  Everyone comfortable?  Here we go...

First Mitt Romney was attacking Rick Santorum for his pursuit of budget earmarks, even though Mittens had done the same thing.  Now Romney's attacking Santorum for working with organized labor in the past, even though, that's right, say it with me now, Romney's done the same thing.  However voters feel about earmarks or unions, why should they think they can trust Romney on either issue.  The man stands for nothing and looks foolish when he makes attacks like this, given his own multiple positions.

Romney's also managed to anger both the auto industry and the Tea Party with his thoughts on any type of bailout.  That's a pretty neat trick to pull off.

Quick quiz:  Do you know what it means to be "Spreading Romney?"

I wonder which Republican senator says s/he will call for a new GOP presidential candidate if Mitt Romney loses his home state of Michigan.  How remarkable is it that we're even having this conversation about the supposedly-"inevitable" candidate?

Rick Santorum doesn't see the need for public education.  It's nothing but them there teachers interferin' with the family, and if we just went back to a nation of home-schoolers like we had 200 years ago, everything would be fine. 

In further Santorum news, apparently "Mr. Sweater Vest" also decided that Protestants aren't real Christians.  Is that a big deal?  Mittens should be punching himself in the face every morning for not being able to beat this guy. 

Stop me if you've heard this one before:  A rising GOP star, who is aggressively anti-immigrant, is now being accused of threatening his male lover, who's an undocumented Mexican immigrant.  Bonus points for the fact that the guy was forced to step down as Mitt Romney's Arizona campaign co-chairman.  I wonder if conservatives are more upset with him for being gay or for having a Mexican boyfriend?  Republican hypocrisy, it's the gift that keeps on giving.

The tributes and condolences continue to pour in for New York Times reporter Anthony Shadid, who died in Syria on Thursday from an asthma attack.

Anthony Shadid (pic via yahoo.com)

The Massachusetts legislature needs to find a way to prevent MBTA riders from having to bear the full burden of the T's current budget problems.  Cutting routes would hurt the state's economy, and dramatically raising fares is essentially a tax hike on middle and lower income people.

There's no way to know for sure, because I'll never try this, but if someone made me drink a bacon milkshake, I'm pretty sure that I would severely vomit for an extended period of time.  Pretty sure.

Evening Clutter goes well with a Sam Adams, but let's be clear, alcohol is just as dangerous as other drugs, even though we tend to put it in a "lighter" category than something that comes in pill form and it's a much more widespread problem:

And while 8 percent of Americans ages 12 and over use illicit drugs, 34 percent are addicted to alcohol or indulge in what public health officials consider risky drinking.

Johnson and Johnson recalled yet another product.  This time it's infants' Tylenol, due to a defective delivery system.

Spring training has finally officially begun.  Of course I'm excited for the start of a new season, as I have been for each of the last 30 years.  It's just not the same at Clutter Headquarters without having Don Orsillo and Jerry Remy on the TV.  It's going to be a season of transition.  I have less of a sense of this year's team than I have had in probably 10 years.  The new players need to demonstrate their value, and the returning team needs to show some indication that they won't tank it again like they did last year.  Boston sportswriters are all clamoring for public apologies from the players.  That would have been nice, but it's clearly not going to happen at this point.  I just hope they'll show that dedication on the field, and of course I'll be watching every step of the way...and probably talking about it once in a while here.  Let's see what you've got, boys. 

Let the games begin. (pic via bleacherreport.com)

Having said that, I still miss Tito and feel bad about how he was thrown under the bus last year.  I hope he's able to move on from the horrible end to his Red Sox tenure and finds the happiness he so deserves.  I'd much rather keep him and ditch the owners, but I will root for whatever team he manages next and wish him the best of luck.

Are the Oakland A's really going in on Manny Ramirez?  Well, the whole point of Moneyball is seeing value where others don't, right?

ESPN apologized for using a racist slur in the headline to an article featuring Jeremy Lin.  I wonder who's getting fired for this.

More former football players are suing the NFL for allegedly hiding the dangers of playing with concussions.

Family and friends said goodbye to Whitney Houston yesterday.

In a shocking development, Nicolas Cage's new movie, Ghost Rider, is getting bad reviews.

2012 just keeps getting better and better.  First Van Halen released a new album, then spring training started, and just over a month from now, Don Draper will be back:

 

Okay kids, that's going to do it for now.  When you read and watch all of these stories about Whitney Houston this week, the first reactions tend to be, "What a shame/what a mess of a person."  I'd rather have that not be the lasting impression, so we're going to take a trip back to the 1993 Billboard Awards.  I know we played this same song last Sunday, but watch this live performance and enjoy the power of the woman who was in control of her life, her talent and the audience, and let that be the lasting memory.  Here's today's, "Song of the Day."

 

Thanks for stopping by, everyone.  It was great to see you as always.  I know tomorrow is a holiday, so you're welcome to come back tonight to hang out if you want.  I'll go get some more Sam Adams (to be enjoyed in moderation).  Otherwise we'll see you all back here again for more fun on Monday.  For now, it's off to the gym for us, so that's the Clutter, and we are outta here.

Saturday Clutter

Hi everyone,

Welcome back to Clutter Headquarters.  What's the plan for the weekend?  BDH and Little Buddha are a little stir crazy, so I think we're going to go out for a bit and enjoy the lovely weather.  However, there's Clutter to be cleared out first, so grab yourself a medium DD, and let's get down to business.

It's the end of a remarkable era in Boston Red Sox history, as pitcher Tim Wakefield announced his retirement yesterday.  Wakefield pitched for 19 years in the big leagues, including 17 with the Red Sox.  His career is one of the most remarkable stories I've watched unfold during my time as a baseball fan.  He was a failed first baseman who was almost out of baseball before he learned how to throw a knuckleball.  I remember him as rookie sensation pitching for the Pittsburgh Pirates in 1992.  I vaguely remember when we signed him in 1995. 

I would have guessed he'd last three years at most back then, but he just kept coming back, year after year.  No matter what other changes happened to the team, Wakefield was out there doing his job on the field, and doing so much charity work off the field.  I'm sure this decision wasn't his first choice, but it's the right time, and he deserves the eternal appreciation of Red Sox Nation.  Cheers, sir.

Wakefield.  (pic via masslive.com)

Now the question is, when are we going to hear from Jason Varitek about his status?

Is this it?  (pic via bleacherreport.com)

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie was a man of his word and demonstrated his opposition to equality in his state by vetoing the just-passed legislation legalizing same-sex marriages,  saying that the issue should be put to a referendum.  No one's right to marry the person they love should ever be put to a vote.  Shame on you, Governor.

The Justice Department, on the other hand, took a proud step forward for equality yesterday by announcing it will not defend a statute that prevents same-sex couples from receiving veterans benefits.

Mitt Romney still won the Maine caucuses, even after a recount, so he's back on track now, right?

Apparently not.  Romney's inability to nail down the GOP presidential nomination means that now President Obama's team needs to start paying more attention to Rick Santorum.

It just gets worse for Mittens as Ohio Attorney General Mike DeWine bailed on Team Romney to endorse Team Santorum instead.

Oh, and what's this?  Newt Gingrich's primary sponsor, casino owner Sheldon Adelson, is prepared to throw in another $10 million for him?  I thought Adelson was done with Gingrich, but apparently he doesn't want to see this soap opera end any sooner than the rest of us do.

I'll tell you, it's challenging times like this when a man could really use the support of the family dog.

I have to admit I haven't been paying much attention here, is Jeremy Lin about to go into the NBA Hall of Fame, or something?  Given the frenzied hype around him, I assume the electors are waiving any cooling-off period after his career, or forcing him to have a career.  He'll obviously replace David Stern as NBA commissioner at the very least, right?

The New York Yankees were able to unload one of their worst signings in recent years, sending pitcher A.J. Burnett, to the Pittsburgh Pirates for a baseball and three donuts.  This must be one of the biggest name players the small market Pirates have had in 10 years, and they only gave up a few average minor league prospects.  It also helps that the Yankees were so eager to get rid of Burnett, they're paying $18 million of the almost $31 million that he's owed over the next two years.  In other Yankees news, former Red Sox reliever Hideki Okajima failed his physical with the team and left camp.  Is this it for Okie?

Apparently The Colbert Report was shut down this week due to issues with Stephen Colbert's ailing mother.  Our thoughts go out to him and his family.

O. M. G.  Chad Michael Murray is returning to One Tree Hill!  Cue the..crickets chirping? We don't have crickets?  Huh.  Cue...BDH and Little Buddha wondering who the heck that is?  Yeah, that sounds about right.

Where will Matthew Perry soon be making new friends?

Okay kids, that's going to do it for now.  I came across this clip of a little puppy named Dexter who has apparently confused the command "sit," with "jump up."  That seems like something my childhood dog would have done, so let's check out today's, "Clip of the Day."

 

Oh Dexter, you silly puppy.  Thanks for stopping by, everyone.  It was great to see you as always.  Come back soon, and we'll see what Dexter is up to next.  For now, that's all the Clutter we've got for you today.  Later.

Friday Clutter

Hi everyone,

Welcome back, and a happy Friday to you all.  That's right, we made it through another week and came out on the other end in one piece.  Congratulations to us all!  This calls for a medium DD and a little randomness, don't you think?  Let's dig in.

It's not a headline from The Onion:  The House GOP had a hearing on women's health, and almost no women were allowed to testify.   Then we had Rick Santorum's Super Pac sponsor talking about a woman putting an aspirin between her knees for contraception.  Oh, those old sexist dudes are so funny.  Have the Republicans used some kind of funny math to determine that they can win this fall without women voters?  I'd ask how could this possibly get more disrespectful, but they always find a new way to surprise us.

What's wrong with this picture? (pic via Planned Parenthood)

Oh wait, here it is:  The Virginia House passed a bill mandating the assault of a woman seeking an abortion by forcing her to submit to a transvaginal ultrasound beforehand.  What's next, forced exorcism ceremonies, claiming it's in the woman's best interest?  I need a new calendar.  Mine says it's 2012, not 1952.

Is Mitt Romney about to have another caucus win taken away from him?

The economic news continues to be bad for Romney as GM posted record profits last year.  As far as I can tell, when asked why it would have been better to let the automakers go bankrupt, the general GOP response these days is, "Just 'cause."  Don't bet against America, Mittens:

 

Mitt Romney is blasting Rick Santorum over his pursuit of earmarks while he was a senator.  Of course, wait for it, that's right, all together now, Romney's gone after a few earmarks over his career as well.

Rick Santorum is taking it right to Mitt Romney in Romney's home state of Michigan.  The next two weeks should be fun to watch.  Someone grab the popcorn.

Oh come on, Dave Mustaine, if you're going to back Rick Santorum, go all in, and stop this wishy-washy retraction nonsense.  Who else would you support, Ron Paul?  Not a chance.  This is disappointing.  I'd expect this weakness from a hair metal band singer like Poison's Bret Michaels, but Megadeath is supposed to have some courage.  Lame.

Congratulations to the New Jersey legislature for passing a bill recognizing marriage equality, and shame on Governor Chris Christie for being in such a rush to be recorded on the wrong side of history.

It's disheartening to see the Obama administration suddenly discover a passion for going after medicinal marijuana growers and users.  What a complete waste of resources.  Marijuana should be subject to the same laws and restrictions as tobacco and alcohol.  This never-ending fraudulent "war" serves no useful purpose, and it distracts the country from real problems.

A new poll gives Senator Scott Brown a 9 point lead over likely challenger Elizabeth Warren.  Particularly notable is that Brown leads Warren with independent voters by a margin of 60-28.  There's obviously still plenty of time before the election, but it hammers home one of the most fundamental truths in Massachusetts politics:  You can never underestimate Scott Brown.    People discount him every election cycle, and he keeps on winning.  Will the Warren campaign figure out how to break that streak?

It sounds like former Boston Red Sox public affairs guru Dr. Charles Steinberg may be returning to the team in some capacity this year, most likely to help out with the celebrations of Fenway Park's 100th anniversary.  My recollection is that Steinberg is a Larry Lucchino ally, and that he and Theo Epstein didn't get along, so it makes sense that he would come back to Boston now that Theo's gone.

The Red Sox signed some pitcher named Ross Ohlendorf to a minor league contract.  I don't know anything about him, but first of all, that name is almost in "Benedict Cumberbatch" territory, and second, things worked out pretty well the last time the Red Sox signed a pitcher that was cast off by the Pittsburgh Pirates, so hopefully this signing will also pay off.

Condolences to the family and friends of Hall of Fame baseball catcher Gary Carter, who died yesterday from brain cancer.  Carter was only 57 years old.  I don't think I ever saw a picture of "The Kid" where he wasn't smiling.

Gary Carter (pic via yahoo.com)

If you're a Miami Heat fan, how excited are you to read stories of LeBron James talking about returning to Cleveland someday?  Though, if you're a Heat fan, you're a poser anyway, so maybe you don't care, and that's why James feels free to talk about this in public.

No official explanation has been given for why The Colbert Report shut down its tapings for the rest of this week, but I hope everything is okay.

Doctor Who alum/British comedienne Catherine Tate made her return to The Office last night and within the first 30 seconds was the best thing that's happened on the show all year.

Okay kids, that's going to do it for now.  We've got Mitt Romney trying to find some love in Michigan, and LeBron James dreaming of Cleveland, so let's have Motley Crue take them (and the rest of us) Home, Sweet, Home for today's, "Song of the Day."

 

Thanks for stopping by, everyone.  We hope you've enjoyed your time here as much as we've enjoyed hanging out with you.  Our home is always open to you, so stop by whenever you like.  You know where to find the DD and Sam Adams if we're not here, so just make yourselves comfortable.  Until next time, that's the Clutter, and we are outta here.

Thursday Clutter

Hi everyone,

Welcome back.  How's your week going?  What's the plan for the weekend?  No one got much sleep at Clutter Headquarters last night, so we have an extra large pot of coffee ready today.  Feel free to help yourself to a medium or large DD, and then let's clear out some Thursday Clutter.

Move over, Chuck Norris.  Rick Santorum now has the coolest endorser ever:  Megadeath guitarist Dave Mustaine.  I expect the Megadeath classic, Symphony of Destruction, to be played at every Santorum event going forward.

The idea of Mitt Romney losing the Michigan primary has to be the same level disaster as Al Gore losing Tennessee in 2000.  If Gore had won his home state, no one ever would have heard of a "hanging chad."  If Mittens loses his home turf, wouldn't that shatter his claim of being the "inevitable" candidate?  I don't know how anyone can vote for someone whose own dog ran away from him.  If your dog doesn't approve of you, neither will I.

President Obama's approval rating is back to 50%, he holds a sizeable lead over all of his potential opponents, and people are feeling better about the economy.  Guess there's only one thing left for the GOP to do:  Crank up the tired culture war to 11 and claim that if we re-elect the socialist secret Muslim, the gays will be trying to convert teens to adopt their radical agenda, and these conversion ceremonies will take place in churches and they'll throw free contraception at everyone who objects.  I can see the TV ads now.

The GOP brags that they agreed to the payroll tax cut extension in exchange for cutting funding for preventative health care and to help Louisiana continue to recover from Hurricane Katrina.  You have to give this to Republicans, they leave no doubt where they stand on the issues.

The next generation of Camelot begins today as Joseph Kennedy III (Robert Kennedy's grandson) formally announced that he is running to replace retiring-Representative Barney Frank in the MA 4th Congressional District.

If you're going to rob a bank, you probably don't want to do it while a cop is using the ATM outside.  Seriously, the suspect, a homeless man who allegedly told the officer to shoot him, sounds like a sad case.

You can't accuse The Heart Attack Grill of not living up to its name.

Truth in advertising.  (pic via nydailynews.com)

There are already reports of players grumbling under new Boston Red Sox manager Bobby Valentine's more intense spring training camp.  There's not a single player on this team (except Dustin Pedroia and maybe Jacoby Ellsbury) who's earned the right to complain about anything this year.  Maybe Valentine will still end up being a nightmare for everyone, but for right now, the players should just shut up, nod their heads and do their jobs.

Just throw the ball, Josh.  (pic via bostonherald.com)

Boston Celtics announcer Greg Dickerson battles Tourette syndrome, OCD and epilepsy?  Good for him for coming forward and telling his story.  I'll bet that will be particularly inspiring to any little kids who are Celtics fans who also have to deal with any of those issues.  Cheers.

A new report says Indianapolis Colts quarterback Peyton Manning actually had a 4th procedure on his neck earlier this year.  The alarm bells seem to be getting louder and louder here.

Remember that one day when we thought Albert Haynesworth would be a good player for the New England Patriots?  That seems like years ago.

Was the investigation of Lance Armstrong suddenly closed due to political pressures?

A Different Kind of Truth is now Van Halen's 14th consecutive top 10 album.  The CD came in at #2 this week.  It would have been #1 if not for that damn Adele.  Damn you, Adele!  (shaking angry fist)  Still, that's not bad for a group of guys who haven't released an album together in almost three decades.  Not bad at all!

Storming the charts again.  (pic via ew.com)

If Bill Murray is out for Ghostbusters 3, then so am I.  Solidarity, brother.

Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Kate Upton looks like she's actually eaten a real meal before, and that makes her Clutter-endorsed.

Okay kids, that's going to do it for now.  We clearly need to let Rick Santorum's new buddy Dave Mustaine take us out with today's, "Song of the Day."  I want you to listen to the song and imagine Rick Santorum walking into a room of supporters (wearing his sweater vest, of course), arms outstretched, indicating everyone should go crazy, as the line, "Just like the pied piper, led rats through the street," blares over the loudspeakers.

You know that would be the greatest visual ever.  Mittens would drop out on the spot, because who's going to take on THAT?  Santorum should give it some thought, because Megadeath is playing before a much larger crowd in this clip than he's ever going to get by himself.  Check it out:

 

Thanks for stopping by, everyone.  It was great to see you as always.  Come back soon, and we'll do it all over again.  For now, today's Clutter has been cleared.